Thursday, December 3, 2015

Again.. Love.

Sorry not sorry for posting once more..

Baru aja blogwalking, liat-liat blog-blog temen-temen dan cici-cici yang ada di list blogroll, dan..
ga bisa tahan utk ga repost satu postingan cici yang satu ini.

Ci.. jika cici baca postingan ini, aku cuman mau bilang..
thank you udah pernah hadir dalam kehidupan aku.

Thank you udah pernah jadi leader aku (as a member of PMK1) yang mungkin cuman sebentar.
Thank you udah jadi leader yang paling manis dan paling lembut yang pernah aku liat.
Thank you udah jadi leader yang paling cantik (am sorry ci cath, nanda dan ruth haha)
Thank you udah merelakan ego dan mimpi pribadi untuk tinggal lebih lama di Bandung, dan jadi berkat buat kami semua keluarga PMK1.

Entah kenapa aku mewek nulis beginian.. huee :""(

Bener kata cici kalo Ciumbuleuit itu emang sesuatu. Meski tinggal di area lain di Bandung juga menyenangkan (sebut saja Tubagus) tapi Ciumbuleuit itu memberi kenangan tersendiri.. bahwa disanalah kita lahir dan bertumbuh. 

Aku tau sih ini lebay, secara kita sebenernya ga deket-deket amir..
tapi fakta bahwa aku pernah ketemu, ngobrol, dan lihat kehidupan cici, I feel so blessed :)

Jadi, teruntuk ci Dersi.. aku repost postingan cici ya.. 
Aku percaya ini jadi berkat untuk banyak orang :")

*gaes, btw ambil linknya dan taro di list blogroll kalian. meskipun doi udah ga nulis lagi, postingan lamanya sangat sangat insipiratif, sweet dan memberkati :)*


10.10.10, a special day?

alright, today is 10.10.10
beautiful number? well, it is.
so many people talking about it. many get married, many babies are born, many celebrate their birthday. and i assume many men make proposal. hahaha
to many people today is momentous and historical date.

for me?? it’s simply a beautiful sunday i get through with God as i do everyday.
nothing much meaningful for me dealing with ppl around me.
but in this beautiful day, i already feel content just because i had a wonderful conversation with God.

i came to church this morning, a little late because i only slept for 4hours.
but i went passionately to worship God.
i said to Him, in this beautiful day, i just want You more. more, more, and more.
finally after the Pastor delivered His message, led the congregation in prayer, sang a song saying ‘i know You intimately, i know You intimately’, the Holy Spirit touched my heart, made me pray in tounge. they all finished, but i know i’m not finished yet.
alright i felt strengthened and encouraged after the service but anyhow, i haven’t felt satisfied. my spirit was not satisfied yet.

after the service was over, i kept singing the song, “i know You intimately, i know You intimately”
suddenly He spoke to me so gentle and clear, but sound sad.
i felt sadness in His word, saying “really?’
which also made me sad, “Yes Lord.”
He replied “then, who am i to you in your knowledge?”
i said, “You are my Father”
He didn’t say anything after that but i still felt His sadness, so deep. and that moment i knew my answer was empty, that i didn’t know Him intimate enough as Father and daughter.
i might be a good leader at church, trying my best to do all of His will.
but then i realized i had a good relation with Him as God and a good servant.
i humble myself before Him, devoted my life to serve Him. serving, thinking and praying for others.
but i didn’t have an intimate relation with Him as my Father. its hard for me to know what a father is.

after i realized that, He finally said to me
“do you know that Daddy loves you, daughter? my beloved daughter, Daddy really cares about you. do you know that?” and i cried.
“I’m not an authoritarian Father, dear.. i never ever want my daughter feel forced, tired, stressed and sad. i’m happy that you always serve others, telling them that i’m a good Father, that i love them. but i’m extremely sad that you even never think about my love for you, as a Father. u never think that i care of every single feeling that you have, do you? i know you serve and pray to me for the healing of others, but i also know you have a terrible headache, you cant sleep these days. why dont you tell me as daughter to Father?”
and im just speechless, i can only call Him”‘Daddy…my Daddy”, like a little daughter running towards her Father’s arms.

and His message for me: “i want you to tell everyone, everyone you will meet, everyone you know, to every sinner, that I’m a good Father, a loving Father full of grace, that I gave my only Son for them. do it not because you feel you have to, but because you already know and feel that I’m a loving Father full of grace for your whole life.”

this is my beautiful version of 10.10.10, an encountered with Heavenly Father.
what’s yours? :)
Oct 10, ’10 12:40 PM

— Delivered by service

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